2007-01-26 11:31 p.m.
Tears of Pearls
"Tears of Pearls" And we stare each other down
Like victims in the grind
Probing all the weakness
And hurt still left behind and we cry
The tears of pearls
We do it. Oh we do it.
Is love really the tragedy the way you
Might describe?
Or would a thousand lovers
Still leave you cold inside?
Make you cry...
These tears of pearls[Chorus:]
All these mixed emotions we
Keep locked away like stolen pearls
Stolen pearl devotions we
Keep locked away from all the worldYour kisses are like pearls,
So different and so rare
But anger stole the jewels away
And love has left you bare,
Made you cry...
These tears of pearlsWell I could be the tired joker
Pour my heart to get you in
Sacrifice my happiness
Just so I could win
Maybe cry...
These tears of pearls[Chorus]
We twist and turn where angels burn
Like fallen soldiers we will learn
That once forgotten, twice removed
Love will be the death...
The death of you
He really loves her.
And she isn't me.
Why does it hurt so much? I never had a chance with him anyway. Still, that knowledge does nothing to inoculate my heart against the pain the gnaws away at me anyway.
I've been spending a lot of time in my head lately. I've started keeping a dream journal. I spend more time thinking than anyone should, especially since I'm not thinking about anything in particular. My scrapbook and paper journal have grown immensely.
I've been fighting tears quite frequently as well.
Tonight, one of my good university friends and I had a much-needed bitch session about the myriad ways in which men suck. We've decided to create our own convent, lol, for our group of friends only. No religious affiliation for our group's convent, which boasts two pagans, two Jewish girls, an Evangelical Baptist, and two agnostics.
Why does everything end in such disappointment?
I keep trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, that it's karma, that I chose to learn certain lessons in this lifetime about self-sufficiency, self-acceptance, and solitude, that the loneliness I experience isn't so much because it just is, but is more because I chose for it to happen. Generally, that would help. But right now, it only hurts worse.
So I cry. But my tears aren't tears of pearl. They're not valuable. They're just ordinary tears. And I'm greatly disappointed by this.
