2007-01-03 2:21 a.m.
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So I'm listening to the OBC Recording of RENT. RIP Jonathan Larson, he was a genius, and RENT is clearly a masterpiece. Shame he couldn't have lived to write more.
But anyway.
I'm in a funk. I just finished packing for my return to Santa Cruz on the morrow...er, later today. I forget that Diaryland is strictly accurate about the date, so even though I might still be thinking of it as one day, apparently my journal knows otherwise.
College is weird. No matter where you are, who you're with, what you're doing, you always miss somebody. Sometimes it's your cat/dog, your sibs or your best home friend, other times it's the deer, your roommate (who you secretly despise and therefore can't, for the life of you, figure out why you miss them), or your best college friend.
I just realized how much I've grown up since I passed my last New Year holiday. Last year, I resolved to get a boyfriend. Ha! How shallow and stupid. This year I resolved to find love...whether in a romantic sense or not, I don't care. I just want to feel loved and like I belong. I started that with my college friends. We're turning into a right little family. Who knows, one day we may be doing impromptu renditions of various RENT songs and meaning them...minus the AIDS. Let's leave that out of our happy futures. And the eviction notices. But the hell-raising fun, aye, let's have that. But especially, let's have the close bonds.
I'm just moody because my period is impending, I think. I had it the first week of break, which basically means I'll have it again within the next week and a half. Goody. But I'm really also moody because I just finished packing for my return home. Isn't that weird, I just called my school "home."
Isn't it, though? I live there with my college friends more than I live at home with my bestest friends now. It makes me moody, because we all had so many plans. Some of those plans will probably come true...like the ones that land us all in Europe at the same time for our study abroad programs. Or the ones that land me in New York for a few years, getting a Master's degree in Library Science while trying to pass an audition and get on Broadway despite my paralyzing fear of singing in front of audiences. Only one way to conquer fears, I think...and that's to face them down.
Who knows? Only time can tell what will happen with any of us. I just wish there were some certainty. And I just wish that I wouldn't spend the rest of my life always missing SOMEONE.
Because it's only going to get more intense, as I meet more people to miss. And what then? Who knows. I hope it won't hurt too much.
