2006-10-25 10:58 p.m.
Flirtation
As most people know, Tango is a very...flirtatious dance. It's totally improvised depending on the music and whoever's leading you, and a large part of it is really just playing with the steps.
So we danced. Dancing Through Sunday
Will you join me in this dance, this dance of misery
Cradled in imposs... impossibility?
Swooning, I am swept away
Swept off my feet, with step by step by step
We take the lead as drop by drop, we start... to bleed
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
(Oh, we dance in misery)
All lost in the arms of our misery, oh
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
Swept off our feet by misery, we're swept into the shadows
Will you lend yourself to beauty that will horrify?
Let me hide within your black, the still inside your eyes
Deafened, caught within a cry
So sensual, as step by step by step, I seperate
As breath to breath, as I... suffocate
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
(Oh, we dance in misery)
All lost in the arms of our misery, oh
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
Swept off our feet by misery, we're swept into the shadows
So who will follow? Who is the lead?
I know I'll leave a stain, because I bleed
As we dance, we all dance
We all... have no chance in this horrid romance
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
(Oh, we dance in misery)
All lost in the arms of our misery, oh
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
Swept off our feet by misery, we're swept into the shadows
Swept off our feet by misery, we're swept into the shadows
Watched my friends get pretty good at it, while I kept screwing up the cruzadas. The ochos I'm okay with, it's just starting them that I have a difficult time doing.
Dancing is so flirty. Especially tango. Which kind of got me thinking.
I learned how to salsa from a gay man with whom I had absolutely no sexual tension. Yet we were able to dance that dance perfectly together. We were even put in the dance show, in the front, because we had it down flat.
Yet, people remarked that though it was flawless it was a tad lackluster. Well, why shouldn't it be? We had absolutely no intentions for one another in any capacity, except the purely platonic.
So then, now that I'm taking tango lessons, I want to make sure that I learn it right, and that it has the proper energy going on.
...thing is, I'm super-innocent. Literally. I've never been kissed. The closest I've ever been with a guy has been hugging my gay boyfriends.
I love them dearly. Really love. And yeah we do the mock flirtation thing, but it's not real, and we always dissolve into laughter.
...my friends are all asking their boyfriends to go with us next week. I'm going to be left alone if they succeed.
Friday night they're having all these Halloween dances at my school. There's a cute boy here who I spent a lot of time talking with the night I met him - like, a lot a lot. As in four hours a lot. I'm thinking I might invite him.
But, as always there are complications.
I've never admitted this before, but anonymity is a powerful way to let secrets out:
I know that I will never love any man as much as I love my gay boyfriends. There are days when I have to tell myself over and over "You can't fall in love with a gay man" while I'm with them, because they just take such good care of me. Even in their raunchy gay way...they're always looking out for me.
And I know I have trust issues with straight men. I've watched too many of my friends get hurt in awful ways to really trust them...even though I KNOW that not all straight men are the sleaze bags some of my friends have managed to find.
I just...I don't know.
I don't know what I want.
But I know that I want to have fun and I want to tango and I want to be flirty and cute - which I'm not - and I want to have someone to go with.
Other than that, who knows what I want, because I certainly don't.
And I hate writing mundane entries like this. I hate feeling like a stupid boy-obssessed teenager.
-HM-
