2007-12-04 11:16 a.m.
I'm Going to Cry. Again.
Fucking hell.
I don't think I've ever done such a complete emotional 180 before. I was so happy this morning, if a bit stressed over things, but now I am fucking miserable.
I should be writing a paper right now, but I'm so upset it won't even be good. I'd be better off taking the 5% hit for turning it in late than trying to write it in time for class at this point.
So. The reason. I want to study abroad, right? It's only been the only think I've been really thinking and/or talking about lately. Well, in order to do this, I need a passport by the time I leave (duh). So, after waiting a while for my mom to send me a copy of my birth certificate, I fill out the application and take it down to the post office with my birth certificate and state ID to get one.
Apparently, since the copy of my birth certificate that my mother sent me (after swearing that she quadruple checked to make sure it was the right one for getting a passport) is the wrong one. It's a computer generated abstract, which means that it gives the county but not the city of my birth. I don't see the problem. Clearly, if I was born in Los Angeles County, California, I'm a United States citizen. Clearly! It just boggles the mind. I started crying when the guy at the desk said he wouldn't even consider using it for my passport. I know the passport people have to be all picky or whatever because our government is terrified of terrorism or whatever, but seriously? This is madness.
It's not even cool madness, like in Sparta.
So now I have to call the Los Angeles County recorder (with the cell phone I don't have) in order to get a proper copy of my birth certificate. Not only that, but I somehow need to get it by Friday, which isn't possible because I can't go in person to request it, and I can't do an emergency request over the Internet because I don't know where to find a notary to watch me fill out a form swearing that I am who I say I am.
I've emailed my mother (whose fault this partly is) and told her to call me ASAP. Hopefully she can go down to the LA County offices and request an emergency copy in person, being my mother. God, I am freaking out about this.
But I refuse to let it stop me. I have wanted this for way too long. It's the next step I have to take; I've wanted to get to the UK since I was seven years old. I don't believe in fate, except the kind you make for yourself, and this is the fate I decided on over twelve years ago.
I just...damn it all. I just don't know what else can go wrong. My other letter of recommendation STILL isn't here (although that's now the least of my worries; at least I know it will get here before the deadline passes. The passport, that I'm less sure of), my college is going to take a day or two to approve my application to them, and my essay for it isn't done. Whatever. Those things can be dealt with - they're only a day or two skewed in any event. The birth certificate thing...that's a lot bigger issue. Typical processing time is something like 15 working days - three weeks - which puts me squarely in the middle of winter break and having to wait until January to get my application in. Damn it all!!!
Oh, well. I'm just going to have to use this delay to write a really kick-ass essay, fill out the application forms perfectly, make sure I get the damned letter from my one TA, and pick some really good classes to take while I'm there.
This isn't over. Not even close. But I'l still going to go cry for an hour. And then write my paper for class and hope it ends well enough to warrant turning it in today.
